Just as i was going around at google i just typed up my idol's name cos im a big fan of him right? so it was like Crevlis.. search results 3075 wow..no probs finding and lukin at all of em right? and as i scroll through.. page by page.. what scared mi was that he never told me that he was Jiren?? how was it possible? looking at the pics i saw the name Jiren but the class wa FB?? again i was like in a state of shock and denial.. was crebby a girl? and wasnt known as creb since start but jiren? and in the later level changed his gen? but.. as far as i know.. jiren was a wiz.. how did ..gosh.. den i saw a friendster result..who is Howie and who is Joseph? which one is who now? this is really starting to create loads of havoc in my mind.. as it is i'm falling sick and i force myself to smile even though i'm broken inside.. i know..so they say..when your sad, cry your heart out..and when your happy laugh out loud!.. what can this be.. is the person im talking to Jiren? or all this time it was Crev? since ytd i guess after i saw the words from crebby..then on sunday i go pei my gf..gf..he has the heart to tell a crazy mouth watering fan the awful words..gf..when fans always dream to be..right next to their idol's? sometimes i wonder..but i hold back these tears becos i have to be happy for creb.. he got his own life.. if i wake up one day to find out that im dead? is it possible for me to stand up and find creb and watch over him? or will the view be not pleasing? because i never wanted someone else to take the spotlight from me.. i always got this problem with myself..always thinking about myself myself myself.. no guy will love mi.. i dowan to hurt creb even if i was with him.. i love him with all my heart.. but because i wan to see him happy i had to just say that day.. 'i have to be happy so that ppl will love mi! ^^' ( but doing this > ^^ < didnt mean it as it should) then i said 'yay! for creb and yin' (but inside it was hard for me to type those words out.. i felt so heavy having said that..) this is me..pink girl miko..supposedly special to crebby.. will crebby look at me the same way like we used to ever? i dont want to cry even though i feel like it.. am i like tinklezz? like wad creb said to me..tinklezz? she's just playing around with me.. so i just play with her too.. thats wad crev told me.. am i in her shoes too? being played around too..and crev all the time never meant a thing? gosh..wad is this..my mind is so heavy.. lookin at crev makes me full of joy. and also..full of sadness..